What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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