What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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