What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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