What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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