What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence?

. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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