What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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