What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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