What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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