What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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