What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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