What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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