What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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