What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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