What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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