What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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