What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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