What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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