What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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