What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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