What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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