What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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