What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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