What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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