What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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