What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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