What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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