What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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