What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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