What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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