What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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