What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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