What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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