What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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