What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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