What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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