What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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