What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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