What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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