What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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