What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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