What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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