What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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