What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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