What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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