What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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