What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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