What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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