What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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