What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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