What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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