What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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