What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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