Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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