What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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