What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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