What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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