What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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