What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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