What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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