What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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