What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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