What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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