What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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