What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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