What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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