What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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