What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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