What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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