What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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