What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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