What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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