What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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