What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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