What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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