What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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