What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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