What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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