What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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