What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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