What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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