What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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