What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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