What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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