What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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