What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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