What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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