When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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