When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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