When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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