When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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