When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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