When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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