When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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