When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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