When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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