When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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