When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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