When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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