When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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