When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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