When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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