When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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