When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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