When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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