When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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