When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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