When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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