When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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