Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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