Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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