Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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