Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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