Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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