Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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