Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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