Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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