Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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