Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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