Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".

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