Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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