Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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