Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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