Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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