Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

One hundred and nine. Seven on the Lightbulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the 12 on the Lightbulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of five, who place it on the agenda of the 18-member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27-member Church Board, who appoint another 12-member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another eight-member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a lightbulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the lightbulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a seven-member committee to find the best price in new lightbulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23-member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to the Disney corporation. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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