Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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