Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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