Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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