Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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