Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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