Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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