Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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