Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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