Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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