Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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