Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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