Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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