Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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