Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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