Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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