Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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