Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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