Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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