Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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