Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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