Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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