Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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