Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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