Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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