Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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