Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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