Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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