Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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