Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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