Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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