Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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